Maine may need residents, but not Drew Magary

Not all Maine beaches are rocky, Drew Magary.

We do have sand in Maine, Drew Magary. (Image from Pixabay)

Random thoughts after reading GQ’s Drew Magary’s take on Maine (and a few of his other blog posts):

1. It’s pronounced hee-yuh. There is no “r” in here up hee-yuh. “Here-ah,” as Magary puts it, sounds stupid. If Magary wants to mock our accent, he should at least take the time to get it right.

2. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, spending four academic years, fall to spring, at an elite private college does not equate to getting to know or understand Maine.

3. With that said, personally I’m glad Magary had such a bad time up hee-yuh because he’s exactly the kind of flatlander we don’t want ‘round hee-yuh.

4. I like Maine men because you’re not bloody likely to find a copy of GQ on their coffee tables or in their bathrooms. Honestly, if I was dating a guy and found a copy of GQ anywhere in his living quarters, it would most likely be a game breaker unless I really, really liked the guy. No Cosmopolitan for me, no GQ for him.

5. Another game breaker would be if a man I was involved with closed any written correspondence with, and I quote, cap locks and all: I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAW STAR WARS! FUCK YEAH, BITCH! 

6. It takes a poseur to call someone a poseur. Say what you want about the many alleged character flaws of Stone Temple Pilot’s singer Scott Weiland, but to question his talent and his voice immediately after he succumbed to his addiction is just ignorant and cold.

7. Magary seems to be obsessed with assholes (in one paragraph he used the word twice) and shit (the word is in all of the handful of posts I read). He even refers to his ablutions and “shitter conversations.” Are there people out there who care about the goings on when Magary goes to the bathroom? If so, they, like Magary, can stay on the other side of the Kittery bridge.

8. Excessive use of swear words may disguise bad writing for whatever readers subscribe to GQ, but up hee-yuh, it’s just bad writing with gratuitous vulgarity thrown in for shock value. The shock value must work for readers somewhere, though. Me, I find his writing to be immature, stream of consciousness-style writing, lacking in facts or substance.

9. Overusing good swear words to disguise bad writing is a disservice to good swear words and to more talented users of them.  As someone with a penchant for colorful language, all I could say after reading Magary is, yuck. I won’t waste any of my favorite vulgarities to describe his work.

10. Magary suggests the country needs to build a wall to protect itself from Mainers. I’ve heard more than one old school Mainer threaten to “go down they-yuh and blow up that Kittery bridge.” I’m thinking Magary’s just the type they are wanting to keep out. Ay-unh. When it comes to fellas like Magary, can’t say I disagree.

Patricia Callahan

About Patricia Callahan

Trish is a writer who lives in Augusta. She has worked professionally in education and social services.